Watikah hari ini adalah...
For the last 10 minutes, I have had, 'What an ass of a Monday' in my head.
Was I cursing for yesterday? No. It was actually a good day at the park, then some time at the Curve. But come to think of it, I didn't really enjoy myself at the malls. I was smelly, yes. Then we all needed caffeine. Or maybe we needed more of it, because we got grumpy on our way back home.
Of course I was also on it silently. Silently grumpy. It just bugged me that I hadn't been to the market for food supplies even though it had been 3 days of holiday. I offered to just do my shopping after sending everyone else home, but no, everybody wanted to be with me - in the car. So, okaylah.
But then again, I took time to remember what other things we have ran out of, the things to stock ourselves with and the stuff we really need. Chicken needed time to chopping. The fish really needed to be selected. Couldn't remember which toothpaste type we usually take. Then running back and up the aisle for detergents, the softeners... Seeing a new type of softener and took a sniff at the new scent. Then remembering the simple pleasures, I left the cart again and ran to the soda aisle to grab his favourite six pack of A&W RootBeer.
At the cashier tills, I switched to two lanes. I had two people ahead of me. Maybe I was paranoid, all of them looked b*tchy at me. There was little that I could do with my smell. I naturally look pale. And so what with the hair that I couldn't control especially being at this length?!
Well, anyways. The cashier spoke with me very nicely. He was accommodative and had a rhythm to what he was doing. But it just bothered me that he had a self-tattooed heart shape in between his thumb and pointing finger. Why would one want to do it to oneself is a question.
Then of course, by the time I got back to the car I was greeted by unhappiness for having waited me over an hour (I was in for 1hr 15m). I was stumped because I was satisfied with my shopping where everybody got what everybody needed and would have wanted. And I did tell them I could go after everybody was sent home beforehand.
It went on until dinner. One said, no need for me to make the long awaited chicken rice. One repeated. One said it'll take too much time.
By then I couldn't care less. Making chicken rice is only just one dish. Why should I sacrifice the rest of the items for the whole week for that one night? Because of the chicken rice, I bought 2 whole chickens! And I made them well. For the first time, I think I did this chicken rice at the fastest of speed, with the cleanest prep, fastest and cleanest clean up. They were ready slightly over an hour.
I just ate them. And I ate them with my heart. Why should I care about others if others don't care about me? I do things for them and they don't have consideration about me. I ate them in whole. And dished out 4 plates of rice. I let nobody bother me with any look or statement.
Brought myself out with a glass of cordial drink for a breather. Then I got distracted with this cat that lounges around the house lately, played with him for a while and when it.
I was tired. I was really tired. I have had insomnia for the past few weeks. I don't know when I've had more or less of sleep. My body can't tell. But I was feeling it that night.
Showered, let my dotter go up, down and over me while I slowly zoned out.
This morning when I woke up, I felt so-so. But my mood slowly went weary. I just hate it when you call people, they don't respond. Slow movements when I need to go already.
Then my maid asks me if it was me whom brought a glass out because now it's dead lying on the porch, partially. I was sad. That glass did a great deal of good to me.
My mouth was shut on the way to work. Didn't have anything to say.
Mood's off. I don't think I should dwell if this all is my fault for even feeling this way. I shouldn't. All I know is that this feeling sucks!