Dalam seminggu ni, I haven't felt tired. So far masih bertahan dan tidaklah emotionally drained macam last few months. Tapi today, I felt it.
Dalam nak mencari data tertentu, my emotions went up and down walau tidak extreme. Maybe it is surrounded by annoyance that I refuse to make it as a problem. But then again, annoyance is still there.
So... Today is one day that made me feel (yet once again) and question what's the worth of working so late. It's not like I'm doing sales. Kalau ya, at last banyak gak kut revenue boleh masuk kan? But this one is...
It disrupts my family time. Sampaikan, bila jarang-jarang I dapat balik awal, I go, "So... What do I do now?" Isn't it just plain weird to even ask that? Macamlah takde anak ngan laki kan? Anak dah 3 orang. Laki masih cintakan saya (hehe). Tapi tak berbaloilah kalau sebab opis boleh se'eh laki bini kan... The friction.
I used to go home and cook all meal courses. Yes, it was tiring. But at least I felt satisfied knowing I yang masak for my family. Now, I'm sure anymore.
Kepala terasa bengkak sikit. I kinda know what that means (just don't tell my cousin Nana about it!).
But like Bono says, you're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it. It is patience. I'm just afraid patience will swallow me alive one day.
However, patience is good.