Isi Hati

Watikah hari ini adalah...

On some days I don't know what I do. Maybe my sole purpose here is to sit and absorb all excessive energies and go home feeling flat for no reason at all. Or perhaps it's like this line I came across yesterday:

Bila kerja tapi tak tau kau buat apa sehari. Itu bermakna kau buat kerja dengan ikhlas. 

Ye ke? 

But I have this base neck headache. I'm taking so much daily medication that I've opted to additionally take on vinegars in my diet. So takde buat benda lain sekarang ni. If I'm not sitting somewhere, I'll be sitting on the jamban. Cam kesian kat aku hahaha. But it's a good thing. At least it's cleansing me.

I need change. 

Sometimes it feels tiring to remain in the same emotional crater. 

Ye, crater. Duduk situ sensorang, pastu bom diri sendiri. Repeat. The life of an INFJ. #tetiba

Pendosaan terhadap diri sendiri tau #beingINFJ. Tak tau cemana nak explain dari pangkal. Yang aku tau aku tengah migrain sebelah mata kiri sekarang ni. Banyak kali sangat keluar masuk pagi tadi ni. Biasanya aku duduk dendiam je dalam opis dari pagi sampai petang time nak balik tu. Tak tahan silau. 

I really need celak hitam sekarang ni. Tapi beg mekap tertinggal kat rumah pulak. Takkan nak pakai orang punya. Tak selesa kot nak pinjam2 bab2 menyentuh body liquid ni. Air mata, kan.

So I'm thinking about what I need. Travel to see all green green. Like New Zealand, Ireland... Go to Australia only to pray hard-hard I get to meet Travis Fimmel, take photo, talk-talk, have dinner, go fishing, do everything with each other everyday hahaha. Hilang pedoman nampak... Melampau-lampau kau ya, perempuan. Tak sedar diuntung. Apa lagi yang tak cukup kau ada? [dengan suara kecik] tak cukup bersyukur... Hahaha...

Actually kan, travelling just somewhere with your family unit is just right. It's deflating when it's just you and then your kids telling you, "See Mak, I told you it would be better if with Papa bikos he'd know where to go/what to look for (basically ada la direction)," for whatever reason. I, being Mak, of course kenot deflate too much. So I tell them, "Ah laidat nemind la. You wait je la for your Papa then each time want to jalan-jalan". Terus time tu tarik balik kata-kata mereka. Sebab Papa bizi. Nasib baik sedar. Tak kenang diuntung. Macam Mak kau jugak hahaha.

Laidis la. I oso walk like crab. So who am I to say so many-many things about things I oso dono about? All I have is Ricky Gervais in my head doing voice over with Philip Phillips songs in the background of my head today. 

Maybe I can plan a trip to Langkawi. For a trip to the beach.

Just dono when.

So sad. Okay la, I want to go cry a bit. 

I change my mind. Redang Island oso can.

Sadness to grieve whatever is balance inside. Wrench it out I can have space for better things ahead of me. 

Okay la. Bye.