Watikah hari ini adalah...
Dah seminggu kut aku tak menulis. Mungkin aku nak period dan terus PMS tanpa mengira tempat dan waktu. Sungguh tidak berperikemanusiaan. Sampai hati aku berbuat begitu. Masakan pisang berbuah dua kali, tanya Panglima kepada Tok Janggut.
Heh. Aku bosan. Well actually, I have got nothing so far to write about.
Other than, my boys are scheduled for circumcision. I am feeling rather... 'ERK??!' about it. I feel that they can probably wait another year... But then again, they are asking if they can be circumcised. So... How heart wrenching is that?
So I made an appointment with the doctors and so kiranya dah scheduled la. Akan tetapi... Aku adalah Emak. Dan Emak adalah ibu kepada my two little boys that it makes me feel... "They are mine!" yang maba turut membabitkan perasaan kunun under control yang sangat huru-hara. But ya... Abang Ngah's only 5 and Abang Long is 8.
Each time I want to consider to just bring it forward next year, it goes... another long list to consider.
As I write, I am messaging a few people. Fumbling with words to exact accuracy of my feelings. Then finally it came out.
"I'm just jittery. Maybe at the back of my mind, they won't be little boys anymore. My little boys."
Aiya, Nadia...
After berhari-hari just dwelling with this feeling yang samar-samar, menjerangkap samarkan diri sendiri tanpa disedari dengan separuh sadar (no, I don't know what I'm talking about)... Inilah rupanya perkaranya. And to begin something... can be so sedih. It's true. They won't be my little boys anymore.
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| It's as if I won't see them the way they are after it happens. |
Anak lelaki dengan Emaknya.
*Aih* Begitulaaaah....
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