Watikah hari ini adalah...
I feel so battered. Battered front and back. Sideways. If words can put it correctly.
The effort that I willingly, knowingly, do to do the things that I have to do. For home. For family. For work. For work. For work.
Why do I feel so battered? I forgot I am a welcome mat. I can't think. I can't function. How can this be so bad. "Have fun!" Kepala hotak kau. Mai la ketuk kepala aku. Mai la baling kasut kat aku. And here I am only seeing a blurred or non vision at all of what I am typing for the welling feeling at my eyes. Has it all gone to waste?
Gosh! I could just snap. I know for sure my eyes are red. Redness. I don't need the mirror to know this.
You don't know how much effort. You can't judge me. You don't know what I have to deal with every day. I am not obliged to tell you what I do, how my day is managed. So you don't have the right to judge me. Just because I always carry an empty look on my face doesn't mean I haven't got any feelings. That doesn't mean I'm stupid. That doesn't mean I need to sleep all the time. Don't be mean with me.
I put every effort to catch up with all that I couldn't grasp at one go.
I'm not a magician.
I only try.
Saya mencuba okei. Saya mencuba sesangat. To fulfill orders. To fulfill what's needed. Too just take all insults and directives. But today I just feel so battered beyond recognition. Dari bulan Ramadhan dia mendouble. From the working environment sampai ke the ones close to me.
Ya Allah. Sungguh menduga dugaanku ini.
Berikanlah aku kekuatan diri. Benarkanlah aku bercakap ketika perlu dan dimohon ia meniti di bibir dengan sopan tetapi tepat ke hati. Perlihatkanlah mereka apa yang tidak dilihat. Berikanlah mereka pertimbangan seimbang terhadap mereka yang lain. Hanya agar mereka dapat menjadi manusia yang lebih baik dari diri mereka yang sekarang.
Ya Allah. Aku mohon. Sesungguhnya aku rasa sungguh teraniaya.